And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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