How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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