I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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