i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
