THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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