1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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