my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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