Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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