dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
