he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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