i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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