Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
