Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bring money and cleavage
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
