I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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