I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
