i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
