You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
