If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
