i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
