genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
