you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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