You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
too bad you live with your parents still
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize