if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
