We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
