too bad you live with your parents still
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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