living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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