Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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