So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
