you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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