i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
