i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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