Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize