i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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