I can tuck mytits in my pants
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
