i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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