32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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