pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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