Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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