I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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