found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
