i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
