Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
