I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he shaved USA in his pubs
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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