my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
