Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
