I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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