Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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