so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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