I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
