It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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