does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
