Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
