I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
