On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
