Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
