well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize