I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
