she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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