Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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