just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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