Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
