After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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