I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
