i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
