But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
