people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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