i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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