i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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