i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
